video; spam

[anewlanguage]

[Cain has flour on his cheek, and he's in the kitchen, taking a break.] Y'know, worldwide there's room for comfort food after a real shitty day. I'm takin' requests.

Me, I always went for pierogis. Stayed in Poland just long enough to learn how to make 'em. [And to kill a diplomat. But. You know.] Kid seemed to like 'em pretty well, too. Pretty sure tastes change, though...

Anyway, give 'em here, give me all your requests.

Comments

[hellofist]

[She's not sure if she should feel guilty or glad she's making her point, glad she's providing a counter-balance to him coming up with this image of a father who made snacks for his child. It's wrong, it feels wrong to let him do that, put himself out there like he's only a good man.

He has that in there somewhere, he has to. She believes he has to, because he wouldn't be here if he didn't have some chance at changing.]

No? Which one, then?

[anewlanguage]

[Dear God but he wants to just tell her to forget it and hang up now. But that's because answering means sticking his neck further out there, and he really doesn't want to.

But she's the one who gets to call the shots now. He decided that when he voluntarily went to prison.]

What, you really don't remember the chocolate covered strawberries? That time we slipped into the carnival after it closed? We climbed that ferris wheel, looked at the lights. First time you ever had chocolate.

Private

[hellofist]

[She hates him. She hates him so much right now that she knows if she was there in person, someone would have to pull her off him. She still remembers the last time they "talked" in person, she was able to stop herself from killing him then, as badly as he'd wanted it.

But she loves him, too. She loves him enough to make what she says next something only he will hear.]

No. I remember wanting love, but you- broke my lip, instead. I remember pain. Guns and knives and death. Nothing good.

First time I had chocolate? Not with you. Chocolate ice cream, with Barbara.

Private

[anewlanguage]

[He wishes constantly he'd done more with her, done things differently, but some things he remembers with so much affection it gets him through those hours when he'd really rather break into Dean's safe and find a gun.

She doesn't remember them.

Which makes him wonder if they happened at all.]

You can't mean that.

Private

[hellofist]

You didn't name me.

[She's so angry that it's easy to push out full sentences, now.]

You were a trainer. Never acted like father!

Private

[anewlanguage]

[He has justifications that he uses on every single other person who tries to yell at him on Cass's behalf. He won't use them on her. She'll see that he doesn't really believe them.]

And I should've! I know! There were times I did, don't tell me I never did. I know it wasn't enough, okay? I know I did wrong by you but I did show you things outside the training, I tried to let you smile sometimes-

[He yanks his self-control back up] Y'want me to forget all that, to never speak of it again, I will. I'm not tryin' to erase what I did to you.

Private

[hellofist]

[She did smile, with him. She remembers that, just like she remembers star gazing and her pride when he'd grin at her when she did something right and her awe when he would move, when he would hurt people. She remembers bicycles made for two.

But there's more, there's things that should have made her cry but didn't because it was conditioned out of her.]

Don't forget it. Remember it. Know that... you could have done it right. You chose to do it wrong.

Tell people you... made me food, if you want. But don't hide behind... few good things you did, to make up for bad. Don't pretend to be... something you aren't.

Private

[anewlanguage]

[His expression closes off tight, becoming the same non-expression he'd always had when he was waiting to see what she'd do independently. It usually preceded a test. But unlike then, this time he nods.]

'Kay.

I should get back to work before the Warden decides to be a slave driver.

Private

[hellofist]

[Conversational, like he's heard nothing she said, but he did. It'll stay with him.

It's still disgusting to hear and to see, so she turns off the feed without another word.]